Habits, reps and sets, rituals – the things we do on a daily basis, are the actions that define who we are. These actions are so completely integrated into our lives that they become ubiquitous and are often overlooked. Or because they can be small, they seem insignificant. However, since we do them repetitively, they are central in shaping who we are, who we become, and our overall identity. For example, a health enthusiast’s morning routine may include gulping down a glass of water, grabbing some protein and doing some exercise. A family person might wake up snuggling with kids, and follow that with jumping on the bed or a pillow fight. A businessperson might grab a coffee, check the stock market and read the news. It’s these daily routines, not just in the morning but through the whole day, that add up to our identity. So who do we want to be? What characteristics do we want to use to describe ourselves? Once we determine that, we need to make sure that our rituals match our self-characterization, and ensure that what we do consistently, lines up with our values and goals. If who we want to become is really important to us, and we adjust aspects of our daily rituals to align with the attributes of our ideal self, we’ll eventually be that version of us.
Take action: In general, what is your daily routine? Write it down and compare it with others. Find people who you want to emulate and get familiar with their rituals. Even see if you can spend some time shadowing them, and then take the aspects that fit your ideal self, and adjust your habits to head in that direction.
Inspired by Tony Robbins video, New Year, New You (2017 Motivation).
“Like attracts like”, is a term used to describe “The Law of Attraction” and how energy moves between people, enhancing an existing state of mind in one person, by connecting it with others that are feeling similarly. Here’s a clear example of this energy enhancement that we can probably all relate to: Let’s say we’re at a live basketball game, instead of watching it on tv. It’s so much more exhilarating to be with a crowd, building up that energy together. We put out our own excitement and receive more excitement from others. Our internal energy is intensified by the energy of people around us. This same concept also works on a smaller, more remote scale. For instance, perhaps we’ve experienced thinking of someone, and suddenly they contact us. Or, we feared a situation and suddenly our fear manifests into reality. Our energy goes to where we focus, and our internal thoughts can be brought into existence through our subconscious, and by what we radiate. Some people say our energy vibrates on specific frequencies that can align with others’ frequency to make a match. We may not fully understand yet how this energy transfer happens, but knowing it exists means we should make it work in our favour. It’s worthwhile to pay attention to the kind of energy we are putting out, knowing that we will attract more of it.
Take action: Is your internal dialogue attracting what you want in life? Are you saying you feel tired, stressed and worried and thus attracting more of the same? Or, are you excited, appreciative, and confident, finding yourself surrounded by others who enhance what you want to feel? Choose what energy you want to attract, say it out loud, and let go of what you don’t want.
Inspired by Florence Scovel Shinn’s book, The Game of Life and How to Play it.
To a statistician, luck is merely a simplistic word people use when they should really be talking about probability. Chance is actually all about math, numbers and odds. Often probability feels like a strange series of coincidences because our brains are wired to recognize patterns: good/bad things happen in threes, our lucky number keeps appearing, superstition happens in sequence. These patterns stand out in our heads and can make us feel lucky or unlucky. Feeling lucky can be energizing, and that feeling can trigger action, but fortuity in itself is a matter of probability, not coincidence. Probability is about the odds of something happening. We can increase those odds by putting ourselves in select situations more often, with stronger, concentrated attempts. For example, we have better odds of getting the precise job we want, the more times we go after it, and the more prepared we are during those attempts. Our chance of accomplishment is increased by our selectiveness, number of tries, and quality level. However, keep in mind that the opposite is also true, our chance of nothing happening increases with the fewer number of tries. So we should choose carefully where we want our so-called “luck” to fall and then purposefully increase our odds of success for it.
Take action: Be aware of how often people talk about luck, coincidence or chance and start translating it into terms of probability and odds. This will start to shift your thinking from something you have no control over, to something you can greatly influence.
Inspired by David DiSalvo’s book, What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite.
Learning something new is hard and takes time and dedication; whether it be a new wellness habit, a baseball swing, or how to present well to a group. It’s tempting to compare ourselves to others who make it look easy, but we may only be seeing their polished abilities. We need to take into consideration what we haven’t witnessed – the hours and effort they’ve put into practicing and improving. This behind-the-scenes view is not commonly accessible, so many of us just ignore it and assume that others are just naturally good at things. But none of us are born an expert, we all have to put the work in. To learn a new skill, it helps to break it down into easy, manageable steps, and be patient with our selves. These stages should build on the previous and may require the help of an instructor, who can separate the process into learning blocks for us. Make the steps attainable with incremental measurements along the way. For instance, when learning a baseball swing, getting used to keeping our eye on the ball is a good first step. Once making consistent contact with the ball (the measurement), we can move on to learning to transfer our weight through our swing, while still consistently hitting the ball. Many experienced people who aren’t used to teaching, will call out multiple instructions all at once, so it’s important to plan out our learning steps before we get up to bat.
Take action: Take a learning goal you have, and mark on a calendar when you want to have accomplished each step towards it. Be sure to make the steps achievable and realistic so that the process is sustainable. Adjust the goal marker dates if a step is easier than expected, or takes longer to learn.
Inspired by Jenna Wolfe’s book, Thinner in 30: Small Changes that Add Up to Big Weight Loss in Just 30 Days.
How many times have we heard sayings such as, “You snooze, you loose,” “Early bird gets the worm,” and “Sleep is for wimps”? These ridiculous expressions are part of a societal pressure to attempt to be more productive, by cutting into our under appreciated sleep time. However, often the opposite is true and this sort of thinking can actually work against us. When we are sleep deprived, we make poor decisions, have less energy, and waste time on unimportant tasks. Yes, time management can be tricky, but it’s pointless to get on top of our time, if we ignore energy management, such as when a task takes longer than it should because we can’t focus, or when we keep stopping to snack for a sugar boost, or when we need to backtrack because we’ve forgotten something. This is how we could easily be losing an hour in our day that would have been better spent sleeping. Getting enough sleep is very difficult for many of us. Yet, figuring out how to make it happen is certainly a better solution than walking around like a zombie, in an effort to be further productive. We can definitely make a more positive impression, when we are fully awake at a few key events, than half asleep in a lot of places.
Take action: Make sleep a priority. Make it just as important as eating healthily and getting exercise. A simple web search will give you ways to help improve your sleep, but you first need to make the time for it to happen. Try scheduling it in by marking your calendar for starting your bedtime routine, or if possible, plan for a nap.
Inspired by Arianna Huffington’s book, The Sleep Revolution: Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time
When we have a choice, we tend to surround ourselves with people we feel comfortable with, who we can be our true selves around. Our five closest friends, not our family, but the people we choose to spend our time with, say a lot about who we are. Here’s a fun experiment – average their approximate annual income, does it match your income? How about their average level of education? Or less tangible attributes like their average level of generosity, trustworthiness, reliability, or even fitness? Our friends are often a reflection of ourselves. They also support and encourage us, bring us up, or drop us down. It’s important to pay attention to the people we surround ourselves with, and since their character rubs off on us, make sure they are generally, who we want to be. We should consider spending more time with more people we respect and want to emulate, because their personalities and their influential opportunities affect us in ways we don’t anticipate. Our conversations with friends, the activities we do with them, how we act around them, and all aspects of our friendships, contribute to our own mindset.
Take action: Time with friends is valuable, so choose wisely who you want to socialize with. You may need to toughen up and limit being with people out of obligation or sympathy. On the flip side, you can also bring out the best in your friends, and reach new levels together.
Inspired by Scott Duffy’s book, Launch!: The Critical 90 Days from Idea to Market.
Most of us have limited funds and a lot of pressure for ways to spend them, not to mention some big purchases through life that may be expected of us. Many of us believe that once we get to a certain stage in our lives, there’s a logical next step, and it comes with the competitive desire to outdo our peers. We show off with unneeded acquisitions. This concept is worth taking the time to consider before jumping into a big financial commitment that may come out of expectations rather than necessity, or even personal want. Which do you think will be better for a marriage – a $30,000 wedding, or to elope and enjoy a $5,000 honeymoon annually for six years? Which comes with less stress through the year – paying for and maintaining 2 cars in a family, or having one car and when a second vehicle is needed, using Uber like a personal driver? By hiring Uber we could be able to have money left over for treating ourselves. Think about living in a home, which could be our biggest life expense, by contracting to 25 years of mortgage payments, maintenance, and property taxes. Is it wiser to spend that money on 25 years of investing while renting and taking on less responsibility? There’s no right answer for everyone. Of course each situation is different, but on the flip side, society’s expectations are not right for everyone either.
Take action: Especially for big expenses, consider all your options before following society’s expectations. Is an expensive fairytale wedding more important than spending money on your marriage and relationship? Is a car worth it’s convenience when you consider the driving and maintenance costs? A mortgage is debt, a house is not an asset until you’ve paid off the loan, so are there better investments for your lifestyle?
Inspired by Laura Vanderkam’s book, All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know about Wealth.
It’s been long thought that we smile because we’re happy, but the reverse can also be true. We can make ourselves happy by smiling. Controlling our emotions on demand is difficult compared to changing our physical position, but since the two are connected, we might as well take the easier approach. It is simpler to alter our posture and physical expressions in order to control our emotions. According to social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, body language has a positive effect on how we feel. She recommends taking two minutes to set ourself up, in advance of our next important event. For example, before going into an interview, where we want to appear confident, try this exercise: Find a private area, get into a power pose, such as, standing strong with the arms in a victory (“V”) shape above the head, or using a “Wonder Woman” stance with fists on hips. Keep this posture for about two minutes. Then feel the emotional energy transfer to match the self-assured posture.
Take action: A good experiment with this tip is to film yourself singing a simple song, such as, “Mary had a little lamb”. Do it twice: First time round, slouch into a slumped position, for two minutes, before singing. The second time, stand in a power pose for the two minutes before you start. Notice how that confidence transcends an upbeat energy to your performance.
Inspired by Amy Cuddy’s book, Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges.
As an underdog, it’s not likely we can win using conventional methods. If our competitors are already the best at what they do, we can either wait for them to move on, or find our own approach. Finding our own strength means going against what is expected and requires creative strategy. Many battles have been won by small armies (e.g. Trojan horse), new businesses have been revolutionary in a crowded market (e.g. Uber), and leading sports players have been outplayed by strategic underdogs (e.g. Michael Jordan). Often, finding our competitive edge relies on figuring out where our competition is weak, and then making that our strength. All giants have a weakness, it may be obvious or they may be hiding it well so will require some digging, but if we can find it and become strong in that area, it’s a huge advantage. In the case of Uber, the startup knew how frustrated customers were with unreliable taxi service, so made knowing where your ride is, and how long it will take to arrive, one of their key features.
Take action: Think of a winning goal you’d like to reach. What aspect of it do others not do well, and can you make that your strength? Perhaps you coach a kids’ softball team with average skills and you want them to win the championship this year. It’s not happening by traditional methods, so how else can you win? If you don’t have any home run hitters on the team, can you make your strength hitting consistent singles, advancing runners and scoring one run at a time?
Inspired by Malcolm Gladwell’s book, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants
Auto-suggestion, self affirmation, and visualization are methods of tapping into our subconscious, and training it to be aligned with our goals, so that it can do some of the heavy-lifting for us. However, common methods to perform these actions, such as repeating what we want over and over, or writing it down, is only the start. The subconscious works with emotion, so we need to feel our goals, immerse our heart and soul in what it feels like to reach our goals, what we’ll do when we get there, and the path we’ll take to achieve it. This immersion needs to happen regularly, even daily, for us to truly have faith in it, to the point where our subconscious will take over and make it happen for us. External expressions of our plan will help our internal focus though, such as declaring our goal out loud to ourselves or a friend, and having a visualization board of what we want to achieve. We just need to be sure to connect with not just what it is, but also with how it feels, so that it can translate to our subconscious.
Take action: Start by knowing your goal specifically, and a path to reach it. For example, “I am going to make $100,000 by January 1st through selling consulting packages.” Then write it down, say it out loud, and visualize it in your head and make an image board of what it looks like. Then connect with how it feels, spend time with the emotion of it, and revisit this emotion every morning until your subconscious takes over.
Inspired by Napoleon Hill’s book, Think and Grow Rich